Wanting to Call You Mine

I wanted to call you mine.

In a whisper to say I love you.

But you could not consider my feelings

Enough to warrant me your heart,

So into the dark shadows of your mind

I returned silently

Only to reminisce over what could have been

Our tomorrow’s future.

I wanted to call you mine.

My lover. My friend. My all. My companion.

Explore the regions of a love,

Expanding over a time

That would take us on a never ending journey,

A love that could never be removed,

But you could not meet me half way

To take me by the hand and lead me

To a place to be at your side.

I don’t want to spend endless nights

Sitting in a chair

Staring at a screen wishing what could be

But will ultimately never be.

I wanted to call you mine.

But you’ve made me ashamed to

Open my mouth.

I second guess everything I wanted to say to you.

To ask of you.

My hands trembled when they go to

Touch your skin.

I’ve succumb to a world of wonderment,

Insecurities that were once forbidden.

I live in fantasies of what have become

My ideal life with you.

This is the realm you’ve driven me to

With your selfish thinking and

Inconsiderate way of walking through your days.

I wanted to call you mine.

And yet I cry at the very thought of

Rejection and the level of anger

It bears on me.

You make me feel ugly. Unattractive.

Ashamed to walk in the public eye.

And yet my heart and soul

Aches for your to be near me.

But I am nothing more than a

Mere speck of dust,

A thought buried

In the far regions of your mind.

You probably don’t remember my name

Unless it’s spoken.

Unless your own desires need to be serviced.

I would probably fade from your mind

If there were no pictures to remind

You of who I am.

I wanted to call you mine.

Even if I’m never to be yours.

I’d happily take the back burner

Of your mind,

I’ve been there before.

Oh, yes, we’ve become good friends

Over this time of questioning

Where with you I actually stand.

And how many times will I let you

Tear at my heart,

And strike down my emotions?

I blame myself for letting love

Blindside me in the wake of

Feeling the need to be loved

By someone whom I thought

Could nurture me. Love me.

Protect me.

Desperate was I

To want something I should have known

Would never truly be mine

When so many others who have

Come before me have had

More from you than I will ever have.

I wanted to call you mine.

And yet,

I’m left with nothing but an

Imagination tainted by

A dream that’s never to come true.